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Another recovery - Sara

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June 27th, 2015

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08:37 pm - Another recovery
So I fell apart in late April. Technically, the second last day of work.

I had been trying to reduce my Seroquel prescription, and I reached that sweet spot where despite how long you hold there, all hell breaks lose. Then I spent a month in the hospital. While I was there, I spent all my money buying a car, and racked up a nice sized credit card bill.

This last hospitalization made me admit, finally, that I have a problem. I have bipolar disorder.

You wouldn't hear me admit this before, but now I feel it's important.

Despite how terrible the meds make me feel, I have to be on them. I can't try to wean off. It's been two attempts now, and two disasters. No matter how slow I go, I end up in the hospital. That's a sign.

I am in the process of getting back on Seroquel, which is the only drug I can tolerate, despite its many side effects, one of which is to make me less creative and enjoy writing less. It also makes me very fat, something I'm going to combat with my doctor using metformin.

The fuzzy feeling between my ears is both uncomfortable and familiar. It stops me from being the intellectual I know I am. It may stop me from getting high-responsibility jobs. It makes it hard to function, even as I do function, barely.

I'm sad that it's come back to this again. I tried so hard, and I failed.

(1 comment | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:June 30th, 2015 05:49 pm (UTC)
I don't think you failed--I think you reached an important point of realisation and adaptation to your current situation.

I'm sorry you had to go through more medical difficulties in the process, but I'm glad you're recovering now.

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